Folks come to people who are in your position right now and say, “I know what you are going through”, but they don’t.
I chose this forum that reaches so many people that somehow you may see it and hear me say, I do know what you are going through. I don’t know about the spotlights and public crowding and publicity in your life but I know the grief you are feeling.
See, before Benjamin, your grandson, committed suicide, my grandson killed himself and much in the same way. A few years later, my daughter died at the age of 30 from years of abusing drugs and being a juevenile diabetic. She left a child behind. I know about your sorrow of custody battles from before. I know. I know about the pain of the drugs that my 30 year old faced everyday. I did not know my grandson who committed suicide was messing with drugs and having problems with his own life. Brandy, like Lisa could not handle her issues any longer and Her heart could no longer take it. With a broken heart, she died. She was about 16 when she started using and rebelling. I know how many rehabs and hospitals I put her in over the years. I know about the coma and life supports she was on. I know. I know the feeling of could I have done more? No. The answer is no. We did the best we could. I know Brandy was trying to get rid of her years of drug abuse but her body was weak. She just died. No suicide, she just left this world.
Now in my case, I am watching the biological father of both of those kids suffering and has had two heart attacks. My husband and I were Brandy’s adoptive parents and we raised her. ( not as grandparents, but parents) . She was our grandaughter but became our daughter as did three of her siblings. once we adopted. They were our grandkids/children . The grandchild we lost to suicide was from a different marriage. Our son has gone through two of his bio kids dying. He is not doing that well as the grief is ever present. They were from different Mothers . We only adopted the children from the second marriage. Brandy was from the second marriage.
I am advising you to hold on and grieve but care for yourself.
I know the pain and grief of losing one grandchild to suicide and another to drugs and health issues.
Your daughter’s death hit me square in the face and brought up all my pain and I know, I know. I don’t know how many of we grandmothers and Mothers are out here that have faced both of these situations, but I wanted you to know that at least one person can truly know your feelings.
My sympathies to you and those children of Lisa’s who are about the same age as our Brandy’s daughter. Hold on and look up and remember the good times. Her children will need you now.
I know how Lisa’s siblings are suffering. I know. I have been there. I see Brandy’s child and siblings suffering. i I have gone through this and I am here today and live in hopes for tomorrow. The pain and suffering is beyond description but you are not alone.
Take care of yourself and take it one day at a time. Your Benjamin and my Anthony...(grandkids) we will never get over but day to day make it through We can never understand why those grandkids took their lives with their lives ahead of them. We will never get over your Lisa and my Brandy but one day at a time we can get through.
May God take you and hold you near. May your true friends surround you and I surely know how you feel about wanting to be alone. Let the tears flow and know we are never promised another day but we had joy and sorrow from these children while they were here . We loved them.
Take time to grieve and know someone has stood in those same shoes as you and the pain comes and goes but we do live our lives one day at a time. There will be times you want to crawl in a hole or a bed and just let the pain ease. It will for a time. Time does not heal all wounds but faith in something bigger than we help us survive another day.
Take Care.
Sincerely,
Amanda Kato