Thursday night my 13 year old and I wanted an ice cream. It was about 9 PM, not late. There was only one clerk working in a busy quick all night store. Circle K is like a 7-11 and headquartered in Tempe, Az.. I remember DaNang 65 telling me that years ago when we had a meetup here. DaNang is from Arizona.
I frequent the store a great deal because it is quite close to home. This is a small town.
When we walked in and got our cookie ice cream, not to mention a bottle of aspirin, the line was not long. We got directly behind a lady who was cashing in her lottery scratch off tickets and buying two more. It was annoying, I will say that because she kept changing her mind and stood there scratching off her ticket. The line grew longer. The man behind me was wearing a Masonic shirt and quite sure he had just left Lodge 118 across the street. The clerk was overwhelmed but did not handle that situation correctly at all.
I was aggravated but not to the point of being unreasonable, as obviously the man with one bottle of beer was. I just shifted my feet and nodded when he said, “ There should be a separate area for lottery tickets”.
I looked behind him and there were maybe 15 ( no exaggeration) people behind him. As we stood there this lady could not decide which ticket she wanted. The man was getting more aggravated. I was not too happy but in a small town as this, there are not a great deal of convenience stores around. He reached his breaking point of silence, and said, “ Why don’t you quit playing with your lottery games and get the hell out of line and consider the rest of us”. She looked up from the lottery glass and said, “I waited my turn and I am a customer”. I was between the two in exchange of words. I said nothing. No one said anything but they were clearly aggravated. I did not recognize the clerk so she may have been new. The only thing I said was , “You can go ahead of me if you need to”. I said that and meant that. I could feel this thing going off the rails.. There was nothing to buy important enough for what happened after that. It was my hopes the clerk would realize she would handle this situation better. The man yelled to the woman customer, “ Get out of line, you are holding people up”.
The woman walked out the front door. As I stepped to put my ice cream on the counter, she returned and got in the back of the line, now with 17 people. He yelled back at her, “Oh you’re back”. She responded, “ There is no reason for your being this rude”. The clerk instructed me to insert my number when this thing escalated. There was some arguing back and forth between the two customers when he yelled, “ You’re a Bitch”. I was burning with rage. I was burning with rage for more than one reason. He triggered me.
For the first time in my entire life, and that includes the 60’s and 70’s I never before felt so victimized for being a woman by men carrying guns and attitude and feeling they had the right to treat people like they were less than human and I have worked in these kind of stores before in years past.
I will say I was angry and listening to this entitled white man yelling at this woman who also was white but I was no longer ticked at the woman but very angry with the man. The clerk instructed me to put in my number again and I hesitated. I was trying to figure out what was going down. Did I take it up in front of my daughter? Was this guy packing? Was he drunk? I glanced up at the crowd who were basically just ignoring the whole thing or trying to stay uninvolved. I was shaken and felt bad for the woman who DID NOT DESERVE THIS ABUSE. I was also upset because my daughter did not need to be subjected to this kind of verbal abuse.
A couple walked out and my card was in the machine…….The clerk seemed absolutely apathetic to the whole mess. She acted like this was normal. I took my bag and saw the disgust on my daughter’s face. A few were giving him some dirty looks but no one said a word. In Florida that may be the smartest thing to do considering people carry guns like wearing shoes. I took my bag and walked to the car and by the time I got in the car I did not see him or the woman exit. I was also parked in an area that might not be visible to either car. As my daughter got in I sat there a few minutes gripping my steering wheel wanting to go back in and just yell or confront the man but the time had passed for that and there was no reason to make matters worse in front of my child.
I was boiling by the time I got home and I told my husband that I was wrong for not confronting the man. He sat down on the couch and said, “ And then what”? Could you have convinced him to apologize? Could you become a target of his behavior and upset our daughter more? Could you change what was happening? The clerk had your card so you couldn’t leave. Tell me...What could you do or say that would diffuse that mess? Other than making things escalate. Your cell phone is here at the house..What could you have done? He was a jerk and made a fool of himself but you can’t reason with stupid. None of anything he was saying was making me feel better. He was right of course, but it didn’t make me feel better. That man did not just abuse that woman but every female in that store. Every child was subjected to his behavior. My husband conculded with, “ Some people are crazy and have no respect and it takes a whole lot to hold your tongue….and he laughed and said, ESPECIALLY YOU...which was wise but would be extremely difficult for you because you are you. You stand.
I tried to put the incident out of my mind but I couldn’t. I know I am not wonderwoman. I know I can not make the wrongs in this world right but I had to process this reaction of mine and NO I was not going to let it go. I woke up at 5 AM Friday morning and this was the first thought that popped in my head. Why didn’t I say something? Why didn’t anyone? Well, I had to figure this one out. This was too much like a “ Woman’s place” thing. I decided to go to the store around 9AM and ask for the manager and explain what happened but there was no manager at the store. I decided to go by the Lodge 118 and no one was there. I knew how Masons are supposed to be pillars of the community as my Dad had been a mason. This man was sporting his Freemason shirt and ring which also tells me that he probably is a pew sitting deacon at the local self righteous church but the Masons do not like their lodge to look bad.
I sat my daughter down and told her I was going to try and do my part to make this situation better by standing up for women in a different way. Confrontation is not always the best way. He would not get away with that behavior this time. I explained that if she was disappointed in me for not speaking out then I understood but there were other ways of handling that verbal abuse to our gender than getting into a verbal war with a stranger who clearly was not rational. There are other ways to fight and yesterday and today, I made that my mission.
I woke up at 4:30 AM this morning to be at the store early enough to catch the manager. I talked to her about the incident. She was already aware of it as the woman who had been called a B and by the way was mentally challenged as the clerk informed me had come in and told her what happened. Word for word as described by me. They would be reviewing the tape after my witness account. That bothered me some, “ Why didn’t they just believe her”?
They apologized to her but I had more to say. I asked her why was the police not called for disorderly conduct ? Why were there not people to handle the customers on the night shift? She explained they were rolling the video tape back….and I said, Well it is easy to spot the violater..He was sporting a white Masonic pull over with the Blue G on his chest and lodge # on the right. He was about 5’10, heavy set, white hair and about 59 or 60 years old wearing glasses. I said and I am standing right between the two and I was wearing a pink tee shirt and pink shorts. If you run the tape, you will see where she re entered the store and he started raving…. She told me that he would be banned from the store. I replied, “ I am calling Tempe Headquarters to report how this whole thing could have been avoided if more people were added to the shift. I said, “ This is going to headquarters. That’s a fact.
The managers and clerks know me at the store. They knew I was serious to get up at 5AM and head to the store to make this report and call the whole thing unacceptable. I was told no one else complained which they felt was unfortunate. I am calling Headquarters as this is just that important at this time and I did stop at the Lodge yesterday and will continue to stop until I talk to the Grandmaster of Lodge 118. The altercation is over by no one getting shot or getting physical but it is not forgotten. This is not the 1960’s. Women must stand up for other women and we are not powerless although it sure felt that way Thursday night. I knew I could not just let a man curse a total stranger and feel entitled just because he was a man no matter how impatient he was getting. I guess he really liked beer. My guess, is that beer is going to cost him.
Women, we do not always have to call it out verbally at the time, but we do have purchasing power and we do have mouths to call higher ups and By God, WE HAVE THE VOTE. Women are under attack...Make that vote count !