This diary is about The heartache of helping vets. Don’t be confused about this. There is joy and then there is heartache. I recommend to anyone helping veterans to try to stay as far away emotionally as you can. I recommend this but have never been able to do this.
This is hard. This is extremely hard. When I started on my journey of helping those who had sacrificed and had lost so much of their life with broken relationships, severe health problems ( mental and physical) depression, struggles of dealing with sleep, hospitalizations, lies from bureaucrats, being props for politicians, hopelessness, helplessness, self medication and the list goes on, it was personal. It was a journey of trying to get some relief for my husband.
The journey of helping my veteran pulled me into a world of service that threw me into things I had no comprehension would evolve. I had no idea that beating on the gates of bureaucracy would not only transform me out of my own bubble life into the throws of politicians, media, the belly of the beast of that very bureaucracy and politics. It also would put me in the lives of people some I never met and others I have known all my life. I must say it is mountaintop or valley experience. There are emotions involved. There is victory and defeat but most of all there are always tears involved. Find what your are supposed to do in this world of service and, my favorite saying, “JUST DO IT”.
It always starts the very same way. “ There is a veteran who you need to talk to”.
This is how each voyage starts with someone from the VA hospital or a friend of a friend , or someone now who knows I do this from the organization I had to start to just help me complete some of the things required. I am nothing special. I just have passion in what I believe to be a worthy service . When you are married to a combat vet with disabilities, you find out real quick, they are your best resource for knowing the truth of how things DON”T get done but how things SHOULD be done but some are not able to complete the task. I got tired of seeing huge organizations who do have their function and place, but did not seem to connect to that vet’s uphill climb and aggravation and complete feeling of being overwhelmed. I also got tired of seeing the big salaries and paper pushing. It all started with me when we were summoned to DC in an Appeals case when my husband applied for a 50 percent increase from a 10 percent rating and was turned down. This was early nineties. I won’t mention which National Service Organization was representing my husband but right there in a DC Appellant hearing in front of Retired Colonel ( the judge hearing the case) is where it all began. Something triggers a person to service. In my case , this was the beginning. I had exposure to Veteran needs years and years ago when I worked and very shortly worked for NCO/PO Personnel headquartered in Norfolk but had an office in Atlanta. The office closed as Atlanta was not Norfolk and did not produce the results nor the influx of veterans returning home that Virginia did. Still, all said and done, I saw a great need at that small one girl office on West Peachtree Street in 1970. I saw veterans returning home from Vietnam with broken dreams and looking for work and not able to fit into this civilian life . I saw it up close and personal with my own classmates and friends returning home to broken dreams and lives and at work. I could not escape the impact of this observation. I helped where I could and consoled friends but knew nothing about this horror they and their families were going through. I was a single Mom and just watched in horror and thought , “ Something is so wrong here”. They all , or all I knew were not coming back the same. There was a sadness, a brokenness and anxiety and something very painful in their eyes. Some of my friends came back with colostomy bags. Some were returning with multiple gunshots, some tried to commit suicide. Some eventually did. I should have known then and there , there was a part I had to play because so many of these boys to men and their wives were at my house quite a bit. Many wanted to visit my Dad who was a pastor and WWII vet. Many wanted to just talk about old school days and my old rock and roll band and the wives wanted to tell me things that broke my heart. It was a very confusing time in my life. I was close to all of these people and especially three of the vets. I wrote some of them while they were overseas. I spent time with their wives while their love was gone, as I would go by and we would go to Six Flags, or they would spend the night at my house, or we would just hang out at the Tigers Den, that my parents owned. No veteran was charged when they came home from Nam. Many paid for their shakes and burgers but none were charged . My family just did not do that.
When I met my present husband, he was a combat vet and it did not take me long to know what some of my old friends knew on a very personal level how the war affected their husbands, boyfriends, etc. I was now living their lives and years and years had passed since the end of that war. It never ended for many, including my husband. He had good days and he had volatile days but he always had horrendous nights. I would start going to the VA with him and counseling, and I really thought love could change things. It could not. It could help but it could not cure. I started meeting veterans. At this time I was far away from Ga and living in Florida and started seeing for myself how the VA was very very complicated. I would see him struggle with jobs. I would see him not remember many things and turn to his musical ability to claim his thoughts to regain normalcy as best he could and the sleepless nights which exist to this day. The guns.. OMG, the guns. I was not used to a houseful of guns. It took years to get them not only out of sight but gone.. There was such a feeling of as he explained it, “ blender of emotions” and psych docs calling it fugue. These VN vets were caught between 19 and 40. There was a part of them that never came back from that war. They did not trust. They were fearful. They could not be approached suddenly. They were still on guard. This was my experience with not only my vet but the ones I interacted with years before in Ga. I am sure there were some who hid their pain much better than others but I never met one combat vet not affected. Not a single one. There was the agent orange factor. They had headaches, they had skin disorders, they had many physical problems.
When I went to DC in 92, we sat down next to a pleasant young attorney. She spoke with calm to the Judge on behalf of my vet and stated he needed an upgrade from 10 percent to 50. By the way, 50 percent in VA terms is not half of 100 percent money wise. That would take a whole other diary to explain that weird kind of fuzzy math. After ( bless her heart) she stumbled and stammered in front of that judge who sat very high above us as if we were being judged from the heavens. I looked up at his throne like bench and watched her trembling voice with all of her evidence explain what life was like for him. I am not well known for my patience and she was beginning to scare me in this appeal. My vet sat there listening to every word as tears started to drip from his eyes. I leaned over and said, “ I want to take over the case”. Now that was just crazy in a way. I was no attorney. I had no experience of arguing or presenting evidence. I did have one thing she didn’t have. I wanted to present my side of this story. I had the life she was trying to explain. She looked like she had been hit by a train and saw the determination in my eyes. We had traveled 1000 miles and in my opinion, she was blowing it and unable, and no fault of her own to explain these things. How could she know what life for a combat vet’s wife was like? She wasn’t me. I was right there. All I wanted to do was present the case. I wanted to on my terms, under oath and to plead the case with the only thing I had other than her volumes of doctor’s evidence. I had the truth and I had the passion. She allowed me to speak but I had one condition. I wanted him out of that room. I needed him out of earshot so I could tell the story of life as we were living it. I did not need him upset and unable to make the trip home with what I had to tell that judge sitting high on the throne. She allowed me to do this thing. This was the beginning of a lifelong advocacy for veterans, especially disabled veterans. Twice during my statement, the stenographer asked to stop. She was crying very hard. Not audibly but noticeably. Once, she requested a break, to change the paper and the other to regain her composure. I never saw that judge again but we sent the attorney flowers for allowing me to present his case. The biggest mistake I feel I made was going for the 50 percent because I would have to go for 100 percent in another year’s time. He was awarded the 50 percent and within 4 weeks time. This short length of time convinced me that claims should not take months and months and months or years. I still fight that battle of playing the waiting game regarding veteran claims. There is lots more to this journey but I am still writing my book. I never file the claim but teach the veteran and his family how to and what to present. I am just one person in this journey….there are so many others who reach out and touch lives with their big hearts. I could never ever have done all of this alone. My husband has given his knowledge, his heartache and his pocketbook for this cause and many others have as well.
I know my advocacy for veterans has given me the good fortune of meeting and spending time with Congressman John Lewis, Dr, Reid Sr. and Jr. ( All three Civil Rights Icons). Meeting President Clinton, VP Al Gore, Tipper, and peace activist Peter Yarrow of Peter Paul and Mary and many more policy making folks.
My husband would try working or trying to work and end up in the hospital. He was trying so very hard in between his headaches and nightmares to maintain, only to lose his job. I put in a claim for a 100 percent disability and it was turned down but as we tried to clean toilets and scrub floors for 25.00 a week, he did not want to tell me that the denial letter had came. We had no gas for cooking and about to get our lights turned off. We were struggling so very hard. He tried to get a job at the Naval Base and was turned down. ( Veterans are supposed to get first choice on a Federal job for work). The State Employment office said, “ This man can not hold a job and stamped his application “ Unemployable”. I knew nothing about unemployable but I had some time on my hands and I started researching Title 38 regarding Veterans Benefits.
How could a doctor say he was unemployable, a State Veteran Employment counselor stamp his application for work unemployable and the VA by their own criteria not find him 100 percent disabled? This was wrong. Someone was wrong and I was sure it was not the State nor the Counselor. I immediately went bi partisan and contacted a Dem congressman and a republican and it was Sen. Nunn who responded to me. Jack Kingston just pretty much ignored us. I found that if I disagreed with the findings of the decision (and it was by mistake ) but was a powerful tool. If I wrote I DISAGREE WITH THIS DECISION that would keep a claim open and not set the vet back several months through the whole appeal process. This was called a letter of disagreement with new evidence which I had plenty of including a mistake in their own adjudication ignoring the evidence that declared him unemployable. That was totally ignored in the decision making. I cried but was angry. I sent the letter off and several days had passed and I was desperate and angry but still determined. I called the VA every single day from a pay phone or our Lady pastor’s phone. During this time we both had taken an eye infection and bled from our eyes for 6 weeks that started with pink eye. We still scrubbed floors.
I remember falling down at our pastor’s home outside with my mind flooded with despair. She did not even know I was there. Her House was also her church. A very small congregation gathered there to practice our faith.
She was a lovely older woman who saw me fall face down in the dirt screaming to the heavens. I still remember saying, “ God, please, just make this right and I will do whatever I can as long as I am able for any deserving veteran”. I have never told that before but to a few . It was an oath… it was a So help me God moment. I meant it. I had dirt mingled with tears staining my face. We did not even have a phone. I went there to use her phone to call the Congressmen to protest. I was calling the White House and the VA every day. I did so much of this with eyes still infected. I couldn’t work as before and running to the hospital 150 miles away south in Florida as we were in South Ga when we lost our jobs as property managers and try to help my aging Father, work was cleaning businesses, and losing my car and furniture and hanging on to shelter. I was desperate and angry. He was getting worse and I was mad.
The very day I made that oath, now you can believe this or not, but that very day, I made my usual call to the VA and was told that the decision was overturned and he would receive 100 percent plus 1 year back pay. He was in the hospital and I could not believe what I just heard. Maybe they just wanted me to quit ringing their phone. ( Fat chance) The people knew me by heart as I called every single day. This was also unusual as they never tell the spouse unless there is third party access . I still did not believe it but again three days later our world changed. The pastor helped us with groceries. She or that little church had very little money. We helped when we were able to. She had a phone installed for us. This was 94 and before cell phones.
Two days after the phone was installed the lights were about to be cut. I called the White House and demanded someone do something regarding that decision. I was told by someone up there to give them my name, address and not to worry. We were caught between a VA and state situation and Washington would take care of this. As the man crawled the pole to turn off the lights the very next day, I yelled from my raggedy trailer, “ I wouldn’t do that”, I think the White house is going to make sure that light bill is paid”. He laughed. I would have as well but he climbed down and made a phone call to dispatch and sure enough, the bill had been paid by FEMA. I assumed it was FEMA… I just know someone in DC paid the bill. Three days later we received a letter. It was an approval letter, just as I was told over the phone. He also received a check. He was out of the hospital after I borrowed the pastor’s car to bring him home. She came over and told me President Clinton’s office had called her number. She told us that The President’s office wanted to talk to my vet. They wanted our number. They didn’t leave one. She gave them our new number. His office called and President Clinton wanted to know if we were satisfied with the approval of benefits and was there anything else this administration could do. My vet did not believe it was Washington and hung up but they called back and we were overwhelmed. I have never heard of a president calling or his staff to make sure one is satisfied. It did happen. It happened again when President Obama had to straighten out some lost paperwork the VA has misplaced regarding my vet and I was contacting the White House again but I had written diaries on here regarding that mess and also went public on the radio. This was one of many and I eventually whistle blew. www.dailykos.com/...
I knew right then..Everything in my life had changed. Jack Kingston’s office had called her house and said they had never heard of a decision being reversed in a 24 period. Sam Nunn wrote a letter asking if there was anything else his office could do to help us, but we never saw where Kingston’s office did anything but to question how did that decision get reversed. His staff person’s name was Annette. That is about all I remember about that guy’s help with veterans. I just said, “ Someone with a higher pay grade got it done”. I was talking of my faith at that point. I felt Sam Nunn and the Clinton Administration cared. In the scheme of things as I recall, I have never witnessed a Republican congresscritter do anything for a veteran regarding his or her claim. It has always been my experience that only democrats get this sort of problem solved. I have also witnessed republicans turn democrat when they need something but then revert back to republican when they obtain it. Our organization has to remain bi partisan but individuals including the founder does not have to.
The flood gate opened and it overwhelmed me. I was not expecting so many veterans asking me could I help them file a claim. I remember writing out step by step a formula of steps to be taken. I called it “ The Process”. I paid all the people who had worked with us, caught up the rent, got a better trailer to live in, one with working AC. Bought the pastor’s little car she had loaned us and tried to pay her back for the help she had given. She would only accept a small donation. I remember after about a year, We moved back to my hometown near Atlanta and things really burst open. I had no logical answer of how vets knew I helped veterans. I know my own vet referred some in the beginning and many a vet came to our door and we had close friends , the same ones who returned years and years before aging and needing help. I remembered the oath. I went to visit Sen. Cleland who had won Sam Nun’s seat in the Senate. I became one of his staffer’s best friends and he encouraged me to start a 501 C (19) Veterans organization. I did.
Just as I started the org. I went to DC to talk to the man who wrote the book on Agent Orange at the VA Headquarters. That door to DC got opened after filing a complaint with the Access board regarding handicap parking in Nashville. We took pics and filed them directly to DC. Everything changed and I now was on the phone , and talking to vets almost all the time. I need help. I got help. I had volunteers start to help me organize and reach out to vet helping vet and we were a beautiful bouquet of black, white, native, Hispanic and Asian. We were women, we were men, we were gay, straight, and we had one mission in mind. We helped veterans. We may have just paid gas money, bought groceries, consulted, worked phones, and paid light bills for veterans and made complaints higher up in the VA and we whistle blew as well. One thing for sure, we got noticed and we got results. We held our meetings and invited people running for office to speak. Anyone willing to address veterans issues was invited.
This is Brother Robert..our pastor now and great advocate for Veterans, and getting voters registered that have been purged from the rolls due to Fl. law and former felons. This was at our home in 2014 at a Daily Kos Meetup Sem Dem and I planned.We were small and still are as so many of our founding members have died. Almost all.
This post has been long but as I approach the 18th year of our organization and just coming from the funeral of one of the vets I have known for 58 years passing, I have just finished a CD called. “ HEY”, all original music and lyrics composed my me. I am working about as much with widows now as the veterans. Proceeds will go to veterans. I will share some of this with you now. I will tell you by Feb 14th, (I am hoping is the release date) and I always do things the hard way as we did the recordings here at my home. We went into a studio in Jacksonville but was not pleased with some of the results. I am fortunate my husband still turns to music for relief. The proceeds will benefit vets.
Through the years…
x xYouTube VideoI have seen so many of those who helped me start United Vets of Ga pass away and not one of us drew a salary and barely got some of our expenses paid because we wanted to be different in actually Helping. I think we have. I have cried a billion tears, I have sung a thousand songs, and I have almost jumped to the moon when I saw a veteran helped and this CD is as much about me helping give to them in need and paying back some of those widows and wives of the founders and those who still struggle as it is about anything. I have not settled on a price yet but I think 4.99 is reasonable. I still have to pay ASCAP but I am so lousy at fundraising, I figure this is giving more to vets in my own way. It is all from the heart.
Thanks for listening to my story and how one person touches another and it just goes from there. Don’t think your activism or help does not make a difference. It does. I am living proof that one word, one persisting, never giving up, makes a difference. In the darkest of times, there is hope.
I have come to love and know so many of you. DaNang, has been a help and advocate, llbear,( what can you say..an advocate’s advocate) Wayward Wind, a person I am in awe of with his Hard hitting advocacy. When you are one of the founders of Veterans for Peace, wow just wow. He has inspired me to stay up when I wanted to quit. Testvet, a beloved advocate and fighter for vets and we lost him several years back, and Jax Dem, a friend’s friend. She has called me to just say hi. Gordon 20024...well there is a hero to me.. and my family. I will never forget Justbob driving to rescue my vet and that horrible three days of Vet in a PTSD break and DK being here. Gordon Drove nearly 1000 miles to stand by my family when we lost our grandson. Lorikeet, a beautiful friend who is always willing to listen to me when I am down or up. She is ALWAYS never too busy for me and I love her to the moon. Angelajean who fought for me in 2012 all the way from Argentina as she stayed in touch when we were having troubles with the Gainesville VA . Thousands on here who have come to be my friend in need. Angie in Washington , Zen Trainer, Navajo, Wings, MB,and waaaay too many to mention who has kept this engine running. These are just a few that popped in my head.
My CD will be for sale in the Kos store and available online through Amazon and I tunes.. COMING SOON ! FOR VETS
x xYouTube VideoOur veterans are really hurting. The VA is underfunded and still not enough oversight. The get your Doc anywhere is not what it seems and the VA does not need to be privatized. It needs to be staffed and staffed properly. Veterans in the meantime and their families pay a huge price for the lack of oversight and underfunding.
forum4.aimoo.com/… The Organization Website
I wanted to share this with you all and I appreciate your reading this...Because one person starting something can make a difference. Just a little difference means a lot.
Some of the highlights after I started helping vets. This is not about me. This is about them and you and all of us who care about veterans for their real worth and not to be used as props or abused. This is about the story of helping veterans.
www.c-span.org/… The video interview and the story of Nashville not being ADA compliant
www.cnbc.com/...The Media and VA bonuses research and reporting ( featured at about the 25 mark.)
This was a Veterans Meetup in Florida Congressman Jim McDermott in DC..A great congressman and a veteran.Agent Orange Author Don
Rosenblum ..At VA Headquarters
Washington, DC. below in right corner.
Don Rosenblum & me This was an unbelievable treat ! Jack’s quilt made by Ann and Sara… Please help Vets by helping her in the VA Quilt Project ! Former Senator and Governor Graham, my child and me. I will talk vets and vet issues with anyone who I think can make a difference or needs to talk or I feel need a simple Thank you. Anyone from UVA will.